Using Honorifics

What does it mean when a submissive doesn’t want to–or refuses to use—the title Sir, Master or Mistress when entering into a BDSM relationship?

If a person who wishes to enter into a BDSM relationship and refuses to use the appropriate language or the name their Dominant requests them to use, it’s someone who’s either

(a) playing at D/s

(b) showing their inappropriate behavior at the beginning

(c) showing signs that there will be major issues with behavior in the future

(d) someone who is not ready or willing to submit.

Saying you don’t wish to use an honorific title in a BDSM relationship because you “might not remember or aren’t comfortable” is like saying, I’ll just call someone “hey you” because it’s too much trouble to remember their name is Betty or John.

This would be someone I would caution the Dominant on. New submissives are skittish and working with them on protocols is necessary. However, if a submissive refuses to learn what’s expected of them—especially something as simple as what to call their Dominant, there’s already problems on the horizon and shows disrespect on their part.

Live with passion,

Dr. Charley Ferrer
America’s BDSM Expert

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